


No Amount of Alcohol is Going to Make You Want to Sing Pon Pon Pon in Front of People - Unless You're a Sadist

by annalikesgrapefruit



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Boys Kissing, Drunkenness, Fluff, Karaoke, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Pre-Relationship, Singing, Singing!Hijikata, Songfic, Wow, a lil bit of angst tho, bye, how did i even come up with this, lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 16:26:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3576081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annalikesgrapefruit/pseuds/annalikesgrapefruit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hijikata doesn't sing. But when he does, he manages to give a certain permy samurai a little struggle in his manhood. With excessive amounts of alcohol in their systems, things spiral out of control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Amount of Alcohol is Going to Make You Want to Sing Pon Pon Pon in Front of People - Unless You're a Sadist

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER:
> 
> I do not own Gintama, and I do not own any of the songs or lyrics included in this fic. The characters belong to Sorachi Hideaki and the songs to their respectful owners (see notes at the end).
> 
> Now we've got that clear, enjoy lol.

“Ne Gin-chan, your face has gone all red” Kagura poked at his cheeks. “Are you ill? Did you drink too much?”

Meanwhile, Sakata Gintoki felt like he had just gone through a religious experience – only he had a half boner and was staring at the person on the stage that had him in this state, mouth agape.

Next to the small karaoke machine, stood the infamous Mayora, looking as if he was about to beat the living daylights out of another unsuspecting Jimmy-kun. Hijikata had just been bribed into singing up on stage in front of too many people he knew and without nearly enough alcohol to make him forget it in the morning.

Hijikata didn’t sing. It wasn’t that he couldn’t sing, as an innocent Gin-san had recently discovered, but he chose not to. Merely to keep his reputation, and that he was NOT going to be singing ‘pon pon pon’ as Sougo had intended. But as the audience sat there applauding to the prodigy who had just come on and left everyone speechless, Gintoki couldn’t stop hearing that voice replay through his head. He felt embarrassed, not only because he had just got a boner from hearing Hijikata sing, but because he wanted to hear more... He wanted to hear what other noises he could make.

“Uh… Yeah I’m gonna step outside for a bit” Gintoki stuttered before making his way out of the bar into the cool night air, hoping it would deflate the little hard-on he had going down there.

**6 HOURS EARLIER**

Hijikata sat at his desk blasting through the ever-growing piles of paperwork that overcrowded his desk. In the meantime, he had gone through so many cigarettes he had lost count, and he needed to stock up again as he only had one left other than the one in his mouth. Nicotine was a great motivator to Hijikata – so was mayonnaise, but he tended to save binging on the stuff for more special occasions than doing paperwork.

Hijikata was in the worst of moods – for several reasons. Firstly, Sougo had been slacking off all day leaving him to do all of his work in order to meet the deadline. Secondly, there was a load of noise outside which was putting him off his work - it sounded like Yamazaki had too much free time and was wasting valuable time holding badminton tournaments instead of producing a decent set of reports. Meanwhile Kondo had gone AWOL, stalking that crazy gorilla woman and Hijikata had spent the week picking his beaten, naked ass up from street corners after several particularly brutal encounters.

But the main reason Hijikata was feeling even more terrible than he usually did was because it was approaching the anniversary of Mitsuba’s death. Not for one minute had he stopped feeling guilty for what happened. For a while after her death he would just lock himself up in his office with a giant pile of paperwork and not talk to anyone unless truly necessary. Kondo had been so worried that he had to force Hijikata out for a drink, and by force he meant persistently plead until Tosshi started to feel guilty.

He had come on to the last several pages of the pile when Sougo came in and dumped another pile on his desk with a sadistic grin. Hijikata’s heart sank, why did he have to correct Yamazaki’s shitty reports all the time? He was gonna need to do some serious beating later.

“Hijikata-san~” _Great. What does this bastard want?_

“What?”

“Do you sing?”

“No.”

“Not even in the shower?”

“No. Now get out.”

“ _Can_ you sing?”

“I’ve never really tried...” Hijikata bit down on his cigarette trying to concentrate on reading Yamazaki’s awful handwriting.

“If you had the opportunity to sing would you sing?” Okita had that familiar expression that he always had when he was planning something.

“Why d’ya wanna know so bad, huh!?” Hijikata had lost his patience and slammed the pen down on the desk.

“Oh, nothing. It’s just that it’s the annual Shinsengumi karaoke night tonight” He held up a leaflet which said ‘ _Annual Shinsengumi Karaoke night – you can come if you aren’t in the Shinsengumi because it will be funnier if people get to see Hijikata-san try to sing ‘pon pon pon’ while drunk, also bring cameras_.’ “I was wondering if you would like to come along”

“OI! What’s with you gettin’ me to sing ‘pon pon pon’ while I’m pissed?! I’m not gonna sing ‘pon pon pon’ while I’m pissed!” Sougo put away the leaflet from Hijikata’s view. “And anyway! There ain’t no such thing as the ‘Annual Shinsengumi Karaoke night’!”

“There is now. I invented it”

“What?! Kondo-san actually agreed to that?!”

“Not yet..” Sougo smiled evilly

Hijikata glared at the young officer as he stood at the doorway when their said Commander came up behind him.

“Ah Tosshi! I’ve been looking for you!” He slipped past Sougo and came up to Hijikata’s desk. “Come have a drink with me tonight! I have some updates about Otae-san that I want to share with you!”

“Uh, Sorry Kondo-san, I have a lot of paperwork-“

“Even better, Kondo-san” Sougo held up the leaflet in front of their Commander’s face.

“Eh? What’s this?” Kondo took the leaflet and read the front, his face lighting up. “This is genius Sougo! Is it tonight? Its official! From now on we will have an annual Shinsengumi karaoke night! Now I can profess my love for Otae-san through the power of song!”

Hijikata put his head in his hands, feeling a headache come on.

“Ne, Tosshi! Come along! I’m sure you have a great voice behind that frown of yours!” He poked Hijikata’s forehead, trying to dispel the creases that had permanently moulded there. He reduced his voice to a low whisper. “I’m sure you’ll have the ladies swooning!”

“Or the Yorozuya Danna~” Hijikata blushed slightly and threw his pen at Sougo, hoping it would penetrate his eye socket. The brat hadn’t stopped hinting at it since he’d handcuffed them both together.

“Sorry Kondo-san, I have a lot of work to do so...”

“Nonsense! It can surely wait. Besides, you’ve been at it all week, you could do with a break!”

Hijikata couldn’t say no to his Commander and reluctantly accepted, though he refused to do anything that came into the genre of ‘singing’. He planned to just have a drink or two and slip out after an hour or so, back to his precious paperwork.

However, it was going to be a long night for Hijikata.

\---

“Gin-chan! There’s no food!” Kagura writhed around on the floor as her stomach growled unpleasantly. “You shouldn’t leave a young maiden to starve!”

“There’s some food in the cupboards.” Gintoki said from the sofa, concentrating on his Jump.

“No there isn’t.”

“Yes there is.”

“No there isn’t.”

“We bought groceries yesterday.” Gintoki put his Jump down to check the cupboards.

“I ate it all” Kagura groaned.

Gintoki stared at the bare cupboards blankly.

“STOP EATING ALL THE FOOD!” He lobbed his Jump issue in Kagura’s direction only to be blocked by Shinpachi’s head passing by.

“Ow! Don’t go throwing things around the house!” Shinpachi nursed the bruise forming on the side of his head. “Besides, we don’t have any budget left either...”

“WHAT?! WHY?”

“You spent it all in the pachinko parlour and on booze…”

“Whaaat??”

“Gin-chan! You should take care of your mother!” Kagura pointed accusingly at him.

“You’re not my mother!”

“YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING!” Kagura fell on the floor in despair, stomach groaning.

Shinpachi sat down on the sofa going through the mail. “Do we not have any jobs Gin-san?”

“Nope, nothing.” Gintoki slumped down on the opposite sofa after retrieving his jump.

Silence ensued – apart from Kagura’s stomach protesting – and they continued to get on with what they did every day; which was nothing.

“Huh? What’s this?” Shinpachi held up a crumpled leaflet that had been shoved through the door.

They read it out simultaneously “ _Annual Shinsengumi Karaoke night – you can come if you aren’t in the Shinsengumi because it will be funnier if people get to see Hijikata-san try to sing pon pon pon’ while drunk, also bring cameras. P.S if you are hungry and jobless there will be a buffet for anyone who is currently sitting at home doing nothing while starving. P.P.S if your company is called ‘yorozuya’ then you get in for free. P.P.P.S if you don’t come then seppuku for you”_

“Why did he write so many P.Ss directly for us why didn’t he attach a separate letter?” Shinpachi said after putting the leaflet down.

“Is Mayora gonna sing pon pon pon? Can he even sing that high?” Kagura picked her nose and wiped it on Gintoki. “Can you sing that high Gin-chan?”

“I could try…”

“Please don’t.” Shinpachi said disapprovingly.

“Well why don’t we go? I mean… we get food and sake and get to see people ruin their reputations as Demon Vice-Commanders and we can go home feeling refreshed after some decent entertainment.”

“It still seems shady though… What are they planning?” Shinpachi stared at the crumpled and graffiti’d leaflet suspiciously.

“Probably just trying to campaign for popularity or something by bribing everyone with free food…” Gintoki laid back with his arms behind his head.

“If there’s free food we’re going!” Kagura was immediately up and pushing them towards the door. “You can’t make mother wait any longer.”

“YOU’RE NOT OUR MOTHER!”

“YOU’RE ADOPTED!”

\---

“FOR THE LAST TIME I’M NOT SINGIN ‘PON PON PON’!” Hijikata slammed his glass down on the table they were sat at.

They had arrived at the venue about half an hour ago and some of his men were already half drunk and queueing up for the karaoke machine. Meanwhile Sougo was attempting to bribe him to go up there and make a fool of himself. Which he would never do.

“Hijikata-san~ It’s just a bit of fun-pon”

“What are you even saying?? Why don’t you go up there and sing it ahn?”

“Fine. I’ll show you how it’s done-pon.” Sougo smirked before going up to the karaoke machine, throwing the current singer off the stage and switching to the song he wanted.

“ _Ano kousaten de, minna ga moshi sukippu wo shite”_

Hijikata stared in horror as his subordinate began to sing ‘pon pon pon’ word for word, including the dance moves. He didn’t even look remotely embarrassed.

“ _Pon pon dashite shimaeba ii no, zenzen shinai no tsumaranai desho”_

Despite it being really weird to see an almost-full-grown sadist singing ‘pon pon pon’, it was so convincing he actually got a feel to it. Sougo just managed to look _kawaii_ enough to pull it off.

“ _PON PON WEI WEI WEI, PON PON WEI PON WEI PON PON_ ”

Hijikata was gaping at the sadist managing to coordinate with the bit where you tap your head on the ‘pons’ and do that other thing on the ‘weis’ – Hijikata was too disturbed and slightly amazed to be thinking about the details.

The last few notes of the song ended and Okita Sougo received a series of slow claps from the audience, all whom, like Hijikata, didn’t really know what to say.

“Ne, Hijikata-san, you wanna try?” He pointed the microphone in his direction.

“ABSOLOUTELY NOT – WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT?”           

“Practice!-pon”

\---

“Gin-san..” Shinpachi stood with the other two Yorozuya folk at the back after watching the most terrifying thing they had ever seen.

“It doesn’t need saying Pattsuan…” Gintoki was staring at the stage where Okita was still ‘pon-ing and wei-ing’ while Hijikata was trying to get him off the stage after such a scandalous performance.

“Anyway… to more important things, I’m hungry.” Kagura scanned the room for the promised ‘buffet’ but found no luck.

“Oi… Gin-chan” Kagura’s voice was shaky. “WHERE’S THE GOD DAMN BUFFET YOU BASTARDS” She began throwing chairs in Okita’s direction chanting ‘ _Liar! Liar_!’

Gintoki saw something approaching his face and on impact he saw that it was a bag of peanuts.

“Quit screamin’, this is a public property and I can arrest you for disrupting the peace in the city, you bastards.”

Kagura leapt for the bag and immediately began to ravish them after more bags were thrown her way by Sougo.

“Ah! If it isn’t Oogushi-kun~” Gintoki teased.

“That ain’t my name! Natural perm!” Hijikata stood angrily.

“OI! Don’t insult my hair! I can’t help it! Mayora!”

“SUGAR FREAK!”

“NICOTINE ADDICT!”

Their fight went on for a few minutes before Kondo returned to break them up.

“Don’t fight here! Tonight is a night of fun! Have a drink Sakata-san, we can get some food for you as well if you like!” Kondo guided the three to their table where Hijikata continued to glare in Gintoki’s direction and Sougo still had cat ears on.

Soon enough, plates of food had arrived in front of them after Kondo’s negotiating and all three of them immediately began shoving the contents of the plate down their throats, violently.

“Don’t choke.” Hijikata muttred sarcastically.

“Oi! Whad’cha say you bastard?” Gintoki retorted, mouth still full.

“Quit eatin’ so messily! S’makin me sick!”

“Go ahead and throw up! Mayo freak”

“DID YOU JUST INSULT MAYONNAISE?”

“WHAT IF I DID?!”

“Ladies,” Sougo had grasped both their arms to stop them lunging at each other. “Do you want me to handcuff you again? Even though I’m sure you both secretly loved it.” He winked at Hijikata, who blushed slightly, glaring at Gintoki once more before sitting back in his seat and lighting a cigarette.

 

The night went on with numerous people singing drunkenly and it had gotten to the point where Gintoki had drank so much that all the terrible singers were giving him a headache with their loud, out of tune singing. At some point during the evening Shinpachi had managed to accidentally drink some of Gintoki’s sake and was now completely out of it, he was no longer the ‘straight man’, that was for sure. If Shinpachi got a hangover in the morning Gintoki was gonna get a serious lashing from Otae-san.

“Heh, such a lightweight…” Gintoki chuckled as he watched Shinpachi stumble to the karaoke machine.

“Oh no…” Gintoki rubbed his head as he knew what was coming.

“Thizzong ish fo the love o my life” Shinpachi hiccuped “Her names Otsuu-channn~!!”

Gintoki heard the first few notes of the song and groaned.

“CHOME CHOMEE-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP” Gintoki drop kicked the drunk Pattsuan and knocked him unconscious before switching the music off and returning to his seat.

It was getting quite late and Kagura was asleep with her head on the table after eating too much and complaining that she was ‘pregnant’, while Kondo had seen Otae-san outside and began stalking her, only to be completely wasted and left out of the street, unconscious.

As for Yamazaki, he had been added to the body pile after screaming about anpan, followed by a beating from the Demon Vice-Commander, and would later be joined by Shinpachi.

And so Gintoki and Hijikata were left with Sougo in between them.

“So, Danna, Hijikata-san… Any of you gonna go up?”

“Definitely not.”

“I don’t sing. I told you that.”

“Yeah, but Hijikata-san. What if I gave you this?” Sougo pulled out an extra-large mayonnaise bottle from under the table.

“Why are you bribing me with mayonnaise!? I’m not gonna sing ‘pon pon pon’ for the last freakin’ time!” Hijikata felt the temptation, it was too strong. “Besides… No one wants to see any more of that shit…”

“I didn’t say that you had to sing ‘pon pon pon’, Hijikata-san” Then, he pulled out a second extra-large bottle of mayonnaise and he couldn’t resist it anymore.

“Are you seriously gonna get bribed my mayonnaise? You disgust me.” Kagura had woken from her slumber and was staring at Hijikata judgementally.

Hijikata stood up slowly, receiving the mayonnaise bottles graciously before making his way to the stage.

“DO IT FOR THE MAYO, OOGUSHI-KUN~!” Gintoki cooed from their table, receiving a glare and a flip-off from the other.

Gintoki momentarily wondered what Hijikata would pull from the bag, and watched him as he browsed the list of songs they had before stopping at one and selecting it.

He stepped up to the microphone nervously as the first few notes of the song came in. Gintoki recognised it. This was one of the anime endings. He wondered what went through his head when he chose it, but he was prepared to be impressed if there was any talent.

He wasn’t prepared long story short.

As the song came on to the first verse, Hijikata held the microphone in its stand.

_“Machikado wa iromeku, shojora no nawabari”_

Gintoki felt chills run straight through him as Hijikata’s voice sounded around the room. It was like velvet, and he hit every note perfectly. Gintoki looked up at the performer to see he had his eyes closed. He sung the lyrics with such meaning, and looked really into it.

“ _Kumonashi no gogo ni wa, boku no shura ga sawagu_ ” Hijikata tapped his foot as he prepared for the chorus and his voice got more intense, sending shivers down the Yorozuya’s spine.

“ _Yaketsuku omoi wa urei tsunoraseru_ ” Gintoki began to feel quite breathless as Hijikata tensed to reach the high notes, but he didn’t at all. It was almost like he was professional – because holy shit his voice turned him on- Gintoki immediately brushed that thought from his mind.

Throughout the whole song Gintoki let his imagination get the better of him, he wanted to hear Hijikata’s voice more - as wrong as it sounds. He started to feel heat in his groin and in his cheeks. But for one moment, Hijikata’s gaze wandered over to meet Gintoki’s, which was a bad idea as Gintoki was just thinking about the noises Hijikata would make during sex. He felt his whole body flush with arousal and another unfamiliar feeling. His stomach churned. He wanted to hear more.

“ _dareka boku no, hi wo tsukete, moyashitekure_ ” He looked once more at Gintoki sending another wave of heat through him.

“ _yeah yeah”_

As the song finished he backed away from the microphone and glared in their table’s direction, blushing profusely, which also didn’t help with his current state.

Hijikata was met with a giant applause and he made his way back to their table, keeping his head down.

“Ne Gin-chan, your face has gone all red,” Kagura poked at his cheeks. “Are you ill? Did you drink too much?”

“Uh… Yeah I’m gonna step outside for a bit...” Gintoki stuttered before making his way out of the bar into the cool night air, hoping it would deflate the little hard-on he had going down there.

Once he was out the back he leant back against the alley wall and sighed. What the hell had just happened? Did he just get hard from thinking of the Mayora in _that_ way? What does he even want to do? Gintoki was so conflicted with his feelings that he hadn’t realised how long he’d been out there until the man in question had come stumbling out attempting to light a cigarette with his shaky hands.

“What’re you doin’ out here?” Hijikata said, leaning on the opposite wall, still trying to light his cigarette and getting frustrated that it wasn’t working.

“Getting some air…” Gintoki said, trying to contain himself.

Hijikata growled and cussed as his mayo lighter refused to set aflame.

Gintoki stepped towards him. “C’mere.”

“W-what are you doin’?” Hijikata tried to back up as Gintoki got up in his space but realised he was unable to as he was up against a wall.

Gintoki took the lighter and lit up the smoke, stealing it from Hijikata’s lips before taking a long drag and replacing it, leaving the latter quite flushed. Neither of them had noticed how close they had got and why the air was so hot around them.

“U-Uh… Thanks…” Hijikata mumbled breathing in the nicotine to calm the uneasy feeling in his stomach.

Silence ensued as neither of them moved, staring anywhere but the face opposite them.

“You know Oogushi-kun,”

“That’s not my name.”

“Hijikata-kun.”

“You can call me Vice-Commander-san.”

“ _Toushiro._ ”

At that, Hijikata blushed more than Gintoki had ever seen him before, and a lead weight smacked the latter right in the chest. Who knew the Demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi could make a face like that? Gintoki’s head was fuzzy after the amount of alcohol he had consumed that night.

Gintoki leaned in to whisper in his ear. “You really blew me away with that voice of yours…”

He felt the rush of Hijikata’s breath on his neck and he shivered. Gintoki leaned back and looked at him dead in the eyes. Hijikata was hit with the most intense gaze he’d ever seen come from him. His eyes were no longer that of a dead fish, they were a blood crimson, piercing into Hijikata’s icy blues. The latter had to turn his head to try and avoid it until Gintoki’s gaze flicked down to his lips and back up again, as if trying to ask him something.

Hijikata unconsciously did the same, seeing the shadow leaning in and before he knew it that pair of soft lips were brushing his. The raven froze up completely and felt his heart begin to beat right out of his chest. Just as Gintoki was about to pull away Hijikata kissed back, grabbing the lapels of his shirt and pulling him closer, thus deepening their kiss.

Gintoki’s tongue trailed along Hijikata’s bottom lip and he couldn’t resist letting that warm tongue invade his mouth and brush over his. Hijikata couldn’t hold back and moaned at the contact, causing Gintoki to tense up and trail his hands up into Hijikata’s soft, black locks, pulling slightly and erupting more moans from the latter’s throat.

Hijikata turned his head “S-stop…. We-“

His efforts of stopping Gintoki now were futile as the latter began trailing kisses down his jaw and onto his neck, nibbling at the sensitive skin there, erupting gasps from the Vice-Commander. Grasping at Gintoki’s shirt, Hijikata gave in and leant towards the other and meeting his lips. They could both feel each other’s arousal and began to rut against each other unconsciously, becoming short of breath and having to part to catch air in short intervals before returning to how they were before.

Gintoki suddenly broke away and stepped back against the opposite wall, breathless and wide eyed, staring at Hijikata who did the same right back at him. Neither of them had any words for the other and they simply stood there, wanting nothing more than to be up against each other again but their consciences stopping them. The alcohol must have been beginning to wear off.

Gintoki’s thought were a mess. What the hell was that? Did he just make out with and _almost_ get off with the Vice-Commader of the Shinsengumi? He was supposed to hate the guy not start humping him! Gintoki had formed a slight blush of his own as the events of a few moments ago replayed in his head.

“I have t-to go…” Gintoki looked up at the source of the voice. Hijikata’s face was covered by his bangs and he was wiping his mouth with his sleeve. He also noticed that his hands were shaking.

Gintoki tried to say something but the words got stuck in his throat. Hijikata stumbled through the back door to the bar and Gintoki saw no more of him that night. After Gintoki had got a hold of himself and made sure his arousal couldn’t be seen from his pants, he went back into the bar and sure enough, Hijikata was nowhere to be seen. Only Sougo remained squabbling with Kagura at the table.

At some point, Shinpachi had resurrected and was trying to break them up.

“Hey Danna, What just happened to Hijikata-san?” Okita had that suspicious look on his face. “He came out really flustered and kept stumbling over chairs and stuff. He also had a bo-“

“Well! I think it’s about time we called it a night eh Kagura-chan! Shinpachi-kun!” Gintoki grabbed the two kids and started running out the doors to the bar, only to stop when they were a safe distance from Sougo and were sure that he wasn’t following them. They walked the rest of the way in silence.

“Gin-san, what was that all about?” Shinpachi pried.

“Hahaha. What are you talking about? Hahahahaha!” Gintoki started laughing hysterically trying to burn the images out of his mind.

“Gin-chan. You’ve gone insane. You sound like that other permy space guy. Do all perms go insane?”

“Gin-san. Please, in the future, can you two attend to your _needs_ in your own time, and not at social events?” Shinpachi adjusted his glasses.

Gintoki bashed his head against the wall purposely and ran straight to his room, slamming the door shut behind him.

“Ne Shinpachi, what’s up with Gin-chan?” Kagura asked, staring at the blood-stained dent in the wall.

“Adult stuff, Kagura-chan. You’ll know when you’re older.

\---

Hijikata got back to the barracks and immediately shut the door. Not speaking to anyone. He was breathless from running so far but also from what had just happened to him. The Yorozuya just came onto him, and they almost got off together?! The worst part of it was that he didn’t even try to resist it, he had let the bastard do it!

He brought his hands to his face and tried to rub away the memories, but closing his eyes only made them clearer. He was still hard, and not matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get it to go down.

He sat at his desk and attempted to get on with some more paperwork, as that would surely take his mind off things, only after seven sheets he found himself getting distracted as he kept thinking about his encounter with Gintoki. He slammed his pen down in frustration.

He never felt the need to get himself off, for a long time he’d never lusted after anyone. But now it’s stronger than ever and all because of that sugar freak! Hijikata reluctantly unbuckled his belt, sliding his hands into his pants and gasped at the contact. He wanted to get this over and done with and tried to make it quick, but images of Gintoki kept making their way into his head.

He pictured Gintoki’s hands making their way up his shirt, sucking on his neck and a wave of pleasure washed over him. He was starting to become breathless again and leaned his face of his free hand as he hunched over his desk.

Hands were coming up to his head, pulling on his hair while the other unbuttoned his shirt, his mouth finding its way down Hijikata’s toned chest and leaving marks in its wake. Hijikata sped up his hand and couldn’t control his thoughts anymore.

Gintoki shoved him onto the bed, taking his shirt off in one swift motion before coming down and meeting him for a passionate kiss. Gintoki straddled him, beginning to move his hips forwards and backwards, creating friction between the two and Hijikata rutted up towards him. Both began speeding up their gyrations, grasping hold of each other and Hijikata let out a long moan as he-

Hijikata came into his hand, breathless. He was a disgrace, he had just jacked off thinking about the Yorozuya and actually enjoyed it. He should be fired immediately.

After cleaning himself up with the tissues in his desk drawer, he buckled up his belt and leant back in his chair. His arm came over his face to hide his blush and he stayed like that as he caught his breath.

His door burst open and Sougo came in with an innocent look on his face, which only amplified the sadistic vibe coming from him. Meanwhile Hijikata almost fell off his chair out of fright.

“Hijikata-san, how are you? You didn’t look too good earlier.” He got closer to Hijikata’s desk, luckily he had thrown the tissues away. “Did something happen with Danna?”

Hijikata’s eyes widened “N-no! Why would I-“

“Eh, you seem to be quite flustered there Hijikata-san. Have you been doing naughty things in here while I was out?” Sougo revealed his evil smile and looked pleased at Hijikata’s reaction.

“N-no! Get out! G-get out of my room!” Hijikata pointed to the door and glared back at Sougo.

“Okay, okay…” Sougo lifted his hands in surrender. “I’ll give you two some time to come to terms with your feelings for one another. Enjoy the mayonnaise” Sougo lifted a detonator in his hands and grinned.

Hijikata looked to the two large bottles of mayonnaise he had been bribed with and screamed Okita’s name just before they exploded everywhere.

\---

Gintoki woke the next morning with a splitting headache and could taste the vomit in his mouth from the night before. Unfortunately for him, he had remembered everything from Hijikata singing and giving him a hard-on to them actually making out in the alleyway. He groaned and cocooned himself in his futon, never wanting to see the bastard again.

“Gin-san! Get up! We have a job today.” Shinpachi entered his room loudly, the crash ringing in poor Gin-san’s ears.

Shinpachi merely got a muffled groan in return.

“GIN-CHAN! WAKEY WAKEY! RISE AND SHIIIINE!” Kagura had full on pelted toward the futon and landed on the hungover samurai causing him to give off a sound that consisted of a yelp and a groan.

Gintoki curled further into the lump of shame that was him hiding under the blankets of his comforter.

“Gin-san, we need money, and we can’t go begging the Shinsemgumi for food again…” Shinpachi sighed, adjusting his glasses.

Gintoki winced at the thought of ever crossing paths with anyone even associated with the Shinsengumi in case he were to encounter the mayo freak. But it was true that they needed money. He rolled over so he was facing the ceiling and groaned once more before Kagura pounced on his belly and almost made him throw up again.

“Alright! Alright! I’m coming. At least give Gin-san his privacy yeah?!” As the kids left the room – not without slamming the door across painfully loudly – Gintoki put his head in his hands and let out a whimpered sob.

He didn’t know what was wrong with him. It wasn’t like he hated it, he actually kind of enjoyed it… The way Hijiakta had held onto him so desperately and groaned beneath him-

Gintoki screamed and threw the covers at the wall before he repeatedly smashed his head against the floorboards trying to give himself a concussion so he could forget about the whole thing.

What the hell? Why was he enjoying thinking about the Demon Mayora in a sexual way like that?! It wasn’t like he actually had been turned on by the guy… It was just the alcohol… Right, just the alcohol-

There was a weight in his pants.

There was more screaming and smashing of heads against floorboards before he actually managed to compose himself and make it to the shower in one piece.

\---

They had been working for hours fixing some old geezers roof before they finally sat down for a break.

“Ne, Gin-chan. You’ve been acting funny ever since last night’s karaoke.”

“A-ahh? Really Kagura-chan?? I hadn’t noticed ahahaha!” Gintoki stared forward not daring to look into her sceptical gaze.

“She’s right Gin-san, earlier a bunch of Shinsengumi officers walked by and you ran and hid in the dustbin…” Shinpachi was giving him one of his judgemental looks and Gintoki shook with defeat.

“Ahaha… Well, w-we were just playing hide and seek? You know? Us adults have to have some fun you know..?”

“Why would the Shinsengumi want to play hide and seek with you? No one would want to play hide and seek with you! Why would the Shinsengumi play hide and seek with you if they’ll just get beaten by their Vice-Commander?!”

Gintoki stiffened at the mention of his name.

“O-oh! Would you look at that folks! It’s time for work! C’mon! Up! Up!”

 

They worked for what felt like another couple of hours before they finished the job. They collected their well-earned money and headed home, but not before stopping off at the grocery store to stock up on sukonbu and some rice and sukonbu and parfaits and sukonbu-

“Kagura-chan! That’s enough sukonbu already! We won’t have enough money to buy that with everything else!” Shinpachi squabbled with Kagura trying to get the vast amounts of sukonbu out of the trolley while Gintoki browsed through the magazine rack, looking through the latest issue of Jump.

“Is Masashi Kishimoto even trying anymore? I mean who even lets someone be that much of an asshole. The only reason why Sasuke’s so popular is because he’s shirtless half the time...” Gintoki muttered curses about recent issues in the manga-verse and did not notice the bell ringing as three familiar faces entered the convenience store.

“Oh look, its Miss Piggy.” Sougo said in his usual bored tone.

“Say that again you sadist-bastard!” Kagura leaped towards Sougo and tackled him to the floor, trying to gnaw his arm off or something.

Gintoki hadn’t noticed the intrusion until he heard a slightly pissed, grumbly voice at the counter.

“Uh, two packets of the menthol cigarettes please..?”

Gintoki froze. He stayed glued behind the issue of jump and only peeked over the top to see Hijikata leaving the change at the counter and turning to see what the commotion was about. Once Hijikata had noticed Kagura and Sougo trying to rip each other’s hair out and Shinpachi trying to break them apart, he froze at the realization that he was probably in the same room as the natural perm.

Meanwhile the said natural perm had been quietly trying to put back the Jump and bolt out of the store, but doing so had caused him to slip on the wet floor and cause several magazine racks to topple over and fall on top of him, which incidentally, found himself staring up at the Demon Vice Commander who was staring back at him with shock.

“Who’s causing all this commotion in my shop?! Get out! All of you! Out!” The shopkeeper bellowed and threw them all out through the automatic doors of the convenience store.

Gintoki came around to realise he had a heavy lump of someone covering him. He tried to push it off but it only shuffled slightly.

“Kagura, get the hell off me. This is bad for Gin-san’s back you know…” He tried to push at the head that was buried in his chest, trying to shift the weight off him but only came to put his hand in a head of familiarly soft, black locks which belonged to-

His eyes met a squinting pair of gunmetal blues. Both males screamed and faltered back at a respectable distance, the darker haired one blushing more profusely than the other. An afterthought in Gintoki’s mind noted that it was quite adorable, but he immediately pushed it away.

“Hijikata-san. Shinsengumi officials shouldn’t be doing such dirty things in public, are you finished? Can’t you wait until you’re off work? What would Kondo-san think?”

“Y-You!” Hijikata spluttered. “I-it’s not like-“

“Gin-san, there are children around. I didn’t take you for a pervert.” They could feel the disgusted looks piercing through them from the faces surrounding them.

“W-Wait Shinpachi! What are you saying? Th-that’s not-“

“Whatever. We’ll leave you to your own private business, Gin-chan.” The three of them gave the two one final look of disgust before turning their backs and walking away.

“Kagura! Shinpachi!”

“SOUGO YOU LITTLE SHIT. I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU START SPREADING BULLSHIT…”

Both of them stopped their protests and looked down at the floor in defeat. Hijikata was still blushing, and didn’t dare look anywhere near Gintoki’s direction.

“Um”

“Shut up.” Hijikata interrupted.

“I hadn’t said anything yet…”

“Whatever you were gonna say was gonna get the same response, idiot.”

“Hey! That’s rude!” Gintoki pointed, accusingly.

Hijikata’s face was hidden behind his bangs, but Gintoki could still see a slight blush.

“Quit starin’ at me you freak.”

“Well, everyone is currently staring at us since we were just thrown on top of each other while being kicked out of a convenience store and we are still currently sat on the floor.”

“I know, idiot.”

“Well.. Uh… Do you wanna go somewhere where we won’t get stared at? Preferably not on the floor?”

“Oi! What’s that supposed to mean you bastard?!” Hijikata looked up and glared at Gintoki, blush spreading to his ears and neck.

“N-No! No that’s not what I meant… Uh… I meant…” Gintoki scratched his scalp through his messy locks and looked at the pathetic Demon Vice-Commander still on the floor, not looking his way. “Do you wanna go get something to eat? … Or something..?”

Hijikata looked at him for a moment, but nodded slowly before getting up and brushing himself off. Both were glad that their nether regions remained inactive.

Neither of them spoke a work on the way to the nearest café, and the silence continued all the way up to the point where they were ordering their food. Hijikata ordered just a coffee while Gintoki ordered some bizarre concoction of sugar and diabetes which just hearing it made Hijikata feel slightly nauseous.

“Uhm..” Gintoki started, startling Hijikata so he knocked his knee on the underside of the table. Gintoki couldn’t hold back a smirk as he saw the Vice-Commader wince and grab his knee.

“What?” Hijikata turned to look out the window at nothing in particular.

“A-About last night I-“ Gintoki only noticed the scarlet flush run over Hijikata’s face as he flinched away and didn’t dare look up at the bastard. “I wanted to ask you something… Why did you-“

“Shut up.”

“Wha-“

“Just shut up! I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t even want to be here!”

“Then why did you come..?” Gintoki piqued, causing a nerve to pulse in Hijikata’s forehead.

“Oh I don’t know? Maybe to get away from everyone staring at me? What, you think I’d genuinely want to come and socialise with you?!”

“… Well after last night-“ Hijikata interrupted him with a slam of his fist on the table.

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO KISSED ME YOU STUPID BASTARD!”

“OI OI! YOU KISSED ME BACK!”

Hijikata froze in shock at the realisation that people were shouting at them.

“Couldn’t exactly help it since you were practically raping my mouth.”

“What? You never kissed someone before?"

“… No”

Gintoki barked out a laugh but quickly slapped a hand over his mouth to keep the noise down.

“Shut up!” Hijikata’s glare rather contrasted the flush forming on his face.

“Betcha you’ve never even had a girlfriend before have you? Oogushi-kun~” Gintoki teased. The man sitting opposite stayed quiet, and the lack of a reaction worried Gintoki slightly. Had he said something wrong? Hijikata just stared at the table, his expression difficult to decipher.

“Oi, Oogushi-kun-”

“That’s not my name.” Hijikata’s tone had turned cold. He dropped some coins on the table in front of Gintoki and got up to leave.

“Huh?”

“I’ll see you around, Yorozuya.” Hijikata swiftly left the booth and walked out of the café, lighting a cigarette on the way out.

Gintoki frowned.

_“Betcha you’ve never even had a girlfriend before have you?”_

Then it struck him. He wanted to slap himself so hard but stopped himself so that he didn’t look deranged in public.

“Shit!”

\---

It was the day before her anniversary. But not a happy anniversary of course, not to Hijikata.

He was walking down the streets as people began to filter out into their homes before they got caught in the upcoming rain. Hijikata tilted his head to the cloudy sky and felt the droplets of water falling from the cloudy sky. It was only him left in the streets as the rain began to pour. His cigarette had gotten soggy to the point where it flopped over and the end was about to fall off. He dropped it to the ground and stood on it.

“ _Donten no michi wo, kasa o wasurete_ ”

Hijikata rarely sang, and when he did, it was only when he was absolutely sure no one was around. He remembered once, Mitsuba caught him singing to himself and complimented him on his voice, her smile just the way it always was. Hijikata being himself he stopped immediately and never sang around the house again in case someone heard him.

The rain began to soak through to his shirt. He kept a slow pace back to the barracks and continued to sing quietly to himself.

“ _aruku kanojo wa, ame ni obieteru”_ His throat constricted and he wasn’t sure if it was the rain or his own tears rolling gently down his face.

_“no de boku wo, yowamushi burasagete-“_

Hijikata cut himself off as he heard another voice finish for him; “ _Sora wo aoku”_ He stopped in his tracks and stared straight ahead.

“I thought you said you never sang.” Gintoki’s voice called through the load pattering of raindrops.

He turned to see the natural perm standing behind him, one hand in his kimono and the other holding an umbrella he had randomly acquired from somewhere. “Yorozuya? Wha-“

“I’m sorry…” Hijikata’s eyes widened at Gintoki’s words. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I didn’t realise at the time, I know she meant a lot to you, even if you never showed it.”

Gintoki walked out towards him and held the umbrella out so that it was sheltering the other man, who was dripping wet.

“I know this is probably a stupid thing to say right now, but I know how you feel… I lost someone important to me a long time ago… I lost a lot of people, but this person meant the most to me. They gave me a home, taught me to read, to write, to fight…” Gintoki trailed off. He never talked about Sensei. He never talked about his past let alone those who were important to him. He didn’t know why but telling Hijikata these things made him feel like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. There was silence underneath the noise of the rain outside of the umbrella.

“Why are you telling me this?” Hijikata asked quietly, after a moment of silence.

Gintoki let out a huff of breath that could pass for a chuckle, “To be quite honest, I have no idea. But I know that I don’t regret doing so...”

Hijikata’s heart quickened.

“Hijikata-kun, I know that right now you’d do anything to change the past, but you can’t keep looking back. You’ve gotta look forward. Keep looking forward because there’s something there that will lead you to not regret the past. Don’t forget it, never forget it. But your past will have lead you to something greater… Just like mine did!”

The Vice-Commander was unable to form words. He kept his gaze down.

“Did Gin-san’s motivational speech give you any kind of enlightenment, or should I rewrite it?”

Hijikata couldn’t hold back a grin and huffed out a laugh, punching the natural perm reasonably hard in the shoulder. “Shut up, moron…”

“You’re not gonna get far in this weather, and my house is literally round the corner so… I dunno if you wanna…” Gintoki scratched the back to his head awkwardly and gestured in the direction of his apartment.

“Uh… Uhh yeah… Sure, thanks.” Hijikata had no idea why he had taken up the offer, and he walked close to Gintoki, trying to keep under the umbrella, which was difficult as the stupid parfait freak kept moving around and exposing him to the rain.

 

When they eventually reached the apartment, it seemed as though the others were out, and would probably be for a while depending on how long this rain will last.

“Here. Get changed in my room.” Gintoki threw a clean yukata and towel towards him and gestured a hand to the direction of his room.

“T-thanks…”

Hijikata was a bit uneasy wearing Gintoki’s clothes, but it wasn’t like anyone would recognise it was Gintoki’s; it was a simple plain blue one, nothing special. It smelled like the Yorozuya and Hijikata breathed it in, not wanting to admit that he liked the smell. It didn’t smell of anything in particular… Just the idiot natural perm.

After getting changed into the yukata, he dried his hair with the towel and made his way out of the room, looking for Gintoki. He found him in the kitchen, back towards him and he looked like he was preparing food of some kind.

“Where should I put my wet clothes?” Gintoki spun around and inspected Hijikata up and down swallowing the lump in his throat and smirking.

“You should wear my clothes more often.” He teased.

“Shut up! Freak!” Hijikata blushed and looked away, clutching at his clothes before he felt them being taken from his grip.

“Sit down.” Gintoki gestured to the sofa and Hijikata did so, awkwardly.

A few minutes of fidgeting and inner monologuing later, Gintoki came in with two bowls of noodles that looked like they had literally been thrown in a pot with a couple of packet flavourings and vegetables. Hijikata gave him a questioning look, which was replied with a clumsy grin.

 

They had proceeded to watch a couple of episodes of some shitty soap that Gintoki was really into, while eating their shitty ramen and after a while, Hijikata found himself feeling more comfortable. He had no idea how they had ended up sitting together on Gintoki’s sofa watching soap operas and eating ramen – especially since they were _supposed_ to hate each other. But in all honestly, Hijikata hadn’t felt this at ease in a long time.

Multiple times Hijikata had found himself staring across at Gintoki, who was too taken in to what was happening on the screen to notice, and finding himself transfixed in the way the idiot’s face can change from something confused to something shocked, and back to his usual dead-fish-eyed stare. One time he was caught looking and immediately looked away to hide his red face.

It was still raining outside, and Gintoki came to the conclusion that Shinpachi and Kagura were staying the night at Otae’s house. Neither he nor Hijikata had any clue how long the latter was going to stay, but Gintoki both refused to ask in case he left, or offer for him to stay the night in case Hijikata felt like he was making advances he shouldn’t be making.

By the time he had plucked up the courage to mention something about it, he looked over to see his guest fast asleep with his head almost resting on his shoulder. Hijikata looked so peaceful, like he was finally getting some well-deserved rest after days – which he was. Gintoki didn’t want to move. Something was keeping him there and just wanting to watch him sleep – not creepily – and have such a serene expression and maybe stroke his soft, black locks and dammit he just wanted to be closer to the bastard.

Gintoki’s thought process had him sounding like he was love-struck; which he practically was.

In the end, from Hijikata singing and giving him a hard on, to them making out in an alleyway, to them falling asleep watching shitty soap operas and eating shitty ramen, then had turned a 180 degree flip on their previous relationship. Gintoki brushed the locks of hair covering Hijikata’s face, causing the latter to stir.

“Gintoki..?” Hijikata mumbled sleepily, causing the man in question to freeze up completely. “Shit. What time is it? I need to be getting back…”

Gintoki’s heart was racing in his chest. Hijikata gave him a questioning look.

“Say that again” Gintoki couldn’t help a smile seep onto his face, blushing slightly.

“Hah? I need to be getting back..?”

“No! Before that.”

“… What time is it?”

“No you idiot!” Gintoki grabbed his shoulders and moved closer so they were inches apart. “Call me by my name.”

Hijikata went scarlet. He hadn’t realised what he’d said before but now his face was inches from Gintoki’s and he was pretty sure the latter could feel the heat radiating off his cheeks at that point.

“Please?” Gintoki brushed his thumb gently over Hijikata’s scarlet cheek which made the latter feel short of breath.

“G-Gintoki…” He tried to turn away but he was being pulled in closer to the other but he barely tried to struggle at all as a soft pair of lips pressed against his chapped ones.

Hijikata gave up on trying to resist and lifted his shaky hands to rake through the mass of curls which was Gintoki’s hair. Their lips parted simultaneously and melded their tongues together in a flush of warmth. Gintoki had his hands round the man’s waist and Hijikata still had one hand tangled in his perm while the other had broken free and settled around his neck.

They broke apart, breathless. Both were flushed slightly, one more so than the other.

“Toushiro~” Gintoki grinned and HIjikata looked away, but couldn’t fight the smile on his lips.

“That’s ‘Demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi’ to you, bastard.” Hijikata said, his smile making his tone of voice unconvincing. Gintoki laughed, pressing a thumb to his bottom lip.

“Well, Demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi, if I asked you if you wanted to do this more often, what would you say?” Gintoki looked up at Hijikata’s gunmetal blue eyes, widening slightly at Gintoki’s proposal.

“I-I’d ask you if you were trying to seduce me.”

“And if I was?”

This time it was Hijikata smiling. “I-I’d ask you if you were just going to use me for your pleasure, or if you really l-loved me…”

Gintoki’s heart raced in his chest. Not once did he look away from Hijikata. He leaned in close, so he could feel Hijikata’s breath on his.

“And if I told you I really loved you, would you sing for me more often?”

 

**THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope you enjoyed that..
> 
> I've been working on it for a few weeks and its taken longer than usual because I've had loads of other crap to do and its hard to find motivation in today's world.
> 
> I based this fic off the fact that the songs sung by DOES for Gintama ('Donten' and 'Shura') sound awfully like Hijikata (Nakai Kazuya) is singing. So I was like YO, LETS MAKE HIJIKATA SING AND GIVE GINTOKI A BONER FOR IT. THAT WILL WORK! And so it happened.  
> ** MAY I JUST MAKE IT CLEAR THAT NAKAI KAZUYA HAS NO AFFILIATION WITH DOES, AND AS FAR AS I KNOW, HAS NOT SUNG ANY OF THE OPENINGS OR ENDINGS **
> 
> If you want to listen to the songs:  
> 'Pon Pon Pon' by Kyary Pamyu Pamyu: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzC4hFK5P3g  
> 'Shura' by DOES: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKtOhveAYt8  
> 'Donten' by DOES: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gz1R9tPWJU
> 
> If you want the translations, either comment or message me :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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